Day 55: Swimmy Swim Swim

Today was good, I got back in the pool for the first time in about a year. Ryan, Joey, and I went down to our neighborhood gym. Ryan ran 6 miles while Joey and I went to the pool. He stayed 30 minutes before his tendonitis started acting up and I stayed an hour swimming laps before I went to retrieve Ryan from the treadmill. We came home, hung out for a while, then Ryan and I went off to have dinner with some friends.

Ugh, dinner. A moment of weakness in my life. See, I am tempted to drink every single day; I have a bar in my basement. So far, I have been able to keep it together and restrain myself. I was pretty stressed out this evening, so I decided to say fuck it and order a glass of Malbec. Well, I ordered it, it came, and I stared at it... then I stared at it some more, then I tasted it... And then it hit me. I am stronger than my oppressor... I ultimately decided there was no need for me to have the wine. It was against everything I have been working for... So, I simply said I didn't like it and pored it in Ryan's glass and that was that.

I happily ate my salmon and asparagus and then we headed over to catch a movie. We went to see Chappie. It was terrible. Can't win them all. Either way, I shall not fear, for tomorrow will be awesome. I'll talk to you then.

Day 40: I Didn't Need That Skin Anyway

Today was crazy busy. I was at the warehouse all day prepping for this weekends staging. I got out of there about 5:30, just in time to run back to the house, walk Fi, and grab clothes for this evening's pole fit workout with Q.... and surprise guest Sabrina! I was so excited. This was her first pole class.

As usual, Q's music was on point. We opened the class with The Weekend's Earned It which is probably my favorite song at the moment. It was all fabulous R&B with a little hip hop mixed in. I always feel so amazing when she teaches. I was even able to CLIMB the damn pole tonight for the first time ever. I still can't invert, but I am getting closer. A few more weeks of arms and I think I will be there.

I told you a few weeks ago that Pole can be "dangerous". I usually end up with bruises and such (which I kind of love)... Well, tonight was no exception. About halfway through the class, I look over and see Sabrina with a pained look on her face, holding her finger. She knocked into the pole wrong and completely took off one of her acrylic nails. OUCHY! With 15 minutes left in class, S runs out to catch up with her hubby and I took her pole. That thing is CURSED I tell you. I was going through our choreography and went to hop up into a pole hold when I heard something rip, immediately followed by the feeling of one thousand tiny needles digging into my hand. I pulled my hand back, looked down and realized my skin just separated from my body. Sexy, right?

That shit hurt like a BITCH! I looked at it for a second, kind of in shock, because it didn't make sense to me. It was a smooth pole.... but upon further investigation of my hands, I realized that I had a callous coming up because of the type of training I am doing. So, between the callous and the alcohol I was using to keep my hands dry enough to grip the pole, my skin decided it no longer needed to be attached to my hand. Needless to say, I am not getting back on the pole without some gloves... which happens to be conveniently sold at the front desk.

Once I figured out what happened, I ran out of class to the front desk, grabbed some pain cream and Band-Aids, and went to the locker room to change for this evenings festivities.  One of my friends (Hi Sophia!) got promoted, so everyone converged on Samuel Becketts' Gastro Pub to celebrate. It was a really good time. I imbibed on some delicious Pinot Noir and a couple shots of Fireball (since this is my last weekend to drink), hung out with some of my favorite people, and met some new friends. It was a great end to a crazy week.

I hope my future weekends will be as much fun without my good friend, red wine. I guess we will find out! I will talk to you tomorrow.

Day 38: I Surrender All

Well, I guess yesterday was a good day to get back on the wagon, because Q informed me today that we are about to go hard. Apparently I actually showed up to our workout today and did better than I have in weeks. During our last set of medicine ball throws I put more force behind the throw than ever before and Q had to brace herself so I didn't knock her over. It confirmed in her mind that I am ready to do what is necessary to fight and win to change my body. I am not going to lie, I am terrified.

One of my biggest challenges during these last 38 days has been my alcohol intake, even with the significant changes. For instance.... instead of drinking an entire bottle of wine 5 days a week, I only drink 1 glass, 2 days a week and maybe 2 fingers of bourbon on Saturday. With eating clean, I live for these days. Alcohol is so far ingrained into my life, it is more than just a means to get a buzz. I can honestly tell you I don't drink to get drunk. A true craft cocktail is respected and savored just like the finest caviar. Not only is it delicious, it is symbolic. Alcohol celebrates a job well done, thank you's, and romantic gestures. It is a reason to get together with friends and family.  Taking this away from me feels like taking away part of my identity and I don't like it... but I have given up things that were part of my identity before and didn't die, so I suppose this won't be any different. I am only required to give up my precious for 6 weeks starting Monday, and I can do anything for 6 weeks (thanks basic training). Shit, I haven't eaten chocolate in 6 weeks (other than the drizzle on the junk when I was off the wagon).

Q told me tonight to live by 2 words and if I can do that, I can do anything. Those words are Surrender and Believe. I didn't really get it at first, since I am hard wired to think "never surrender", in fact the first words out of my mouth was "Surrender to what?!"... but now I get it. I have to surrender to my future and let go of the things holding me back. I have to keep the faith of who I will be, even though I can't see her yet. So this is going to be an interesting 6 weeks. Club soda and limes here I come. I'll talk to you tomorrow.