Well, I guess yesterday was a good day to get back on the wagon, because Q informed me today that we are about to go hard. Apparently I actually showed up to our workout today and did better than I have in weeks. During our last set of medicine ball throws I put more force behind the throw than ever before and Q had to brace herself so I didn't knock her over. It confirmed in her mind that I am ready to do what is necessary to fight and win to change my body. I am not going to lie, I am terrified.
One of my biggest challenges during these last 38 days has been my alcohol intake, even with the significant changes. For instance.... instead of drinking an entire bottle of wine 5 days a week, I only drink 1 glass, 2 days a week and maybe 2 fingers of bourbon on Saturday. With eating clean, I live for these days. Alcohol is so far ingrained into my life, it is more than just a means to get a buzz. I can honestly tell you I don't drink to get drunk. A true craft cocktail is respected and savored just like the finest caviar. Not only is it delicious, it is symbolic. Alcohol celebrates a job well done, thank you's, and romantic gestures. It is a reason to get together with friends and family. Taking this away from me feels like taking away part of my identity and I don't like it... but I have given up things that were part of my identity before and didn't die, so I suppose this won't be any different. I am only required to give up my precious for 6 weeks starting Monday, and I can do anything for 6 weeks (thanks basic training). Shit, I haven't eaten chocolate in 6 weeks (other than the drizzle on the junk when I was off the wagon).
Q told me tonight to live by 2 words and if I can do that, I can do anything. Those words are Surrender and Believe. I didn't really get it at first, since I am hard wired to think "never surrender", in fact the first words out of my mouth was "Surrender to what?!"... but now I get it. I have to surrender to my future and let go of the things holding me back. I have to keep the faith of who I will be, even though I can't see her yet. So this is going to be an interesting 6 weeks. Club soda and limes here I come. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
