I don't think I really believe in cheat days. I think they are slippery slopes; so today I am going to say I fell off the wagon... But I didn't just fall, I took a running leap headfirst into oncoming traffic. I really think I need a 12 step program.
This afternoon Ryan, I, Sabrina and John went to see the worst movie of the year 50 Shades of Terrible, but before the movie we went to eat at Matchbox; one of my favorite pizza places. I had a Bloody Mary, prosciutto and fig pizza with honey glaze, and cream of cauliflower soup. It was delicious... Then we went to the movie where I had a glass of Merlot and half of Sabrina's "junk" which consisted of rice crispy treats, potato chips, popcorn, and pretzels drizzled with chocolate. Once we got home, a couple of friends came over; we drank beer and went to hibachi. I destroyed some "Japanese Lasagna" sushi, 4 bottles of sake, an entire plate of fried rice and yum sauce. It was heaven. After dinner, we played card games and drank more beer. I wish I could say I regret any of it, but I don't.
See, last week had a really shitty end. Before this challenge started I used to drink as a source of comfort... But as I am aware this is unhealthy, I was able to significantly cut back because I was surrounding myself with people and places that made me feel comfortable and safe. As of right now, I don't feel a whole lot of comfort or safety, I feel a whole lot of pain and vulnerability and am having a really fucking hard time trying to remain positive on this little journey of mine. So this weekend I have basically stayed drunk and am eating my feelings.
I'm trying to take it one day at a time and forget the entire situation, but it's hard. The pain comes and goes, now I just need it to stay gone. Until then, pray for me friends. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
