Day 78-90: Winding Down

12 days until the end of the challenge. It almost feels surreal. I stopped posting daily because I would just run out of time by the end of the day, but I did keep notes.

Day 78, Tuesday, 3/31:

Ugh, I feel terrible, but the show must go on. I have Q @ 6 and tanning to follow. Have I mentioned how much I love my tanning salon? I don't think I am going to let myself go this long without tanning again. I feel like me again.

Day 79, Wednesday, 4/1:

I have Q @ 12 today, I cant believe I only have 5 training sessions left.... am I going to be able to keep going without her? Damn... 11 days left, I am so nervous! Thankfully I have work to keep me busy. Off to pack for tomorrows staging.

Day 80, Thursday, 4/2:

I do love that my job is not sedentary. Today I staged a home and was on my feet 6 hours strait. I am not complaining. I love what I do. It feels good to work with your hands. There is something strangely calming about it. Also, the immediate gratification is certainly addictive. 

After the staging I went to see Amy, my tattoo artist, to finish up the piece on my arm. I love it so much.

 

Day 81, Friday, 4/3:

It is becoming increasingly hard not to drink. I think I will go shoot guns. I have Q this morning, need food, must go to Costco... then Pew Pew Pew. Joey and I will have to hit up Elite Shooting Sports this evening. I am in need of some Guntry Club time.

 

Day 82, Saturday, 4/4:

Well I had Q this morning, so I didn't exactly feel bad about that Bloody Mary I had with brunch, damn it was good. Today is the International Pillow Fight Day and we are going to the National Mall to whack strangers with pillows, don't worry, it's organized. We met up with some friends for brunch prior to heading over to the fight. It would seem I am incapable of brunching without booze. Worth it, my Bloody Mary paired perfectly with my smoked salmon and fruit. Nom nom nom. The pillow fight was epic. Such a good time.

After the fight, we wandered over to dinner. I had a salad... and a vodka soda. Am I sabotaging myself at this point?! I mean, I have 8 days left. Fuck Nicole, what is up? After dinner, we headed to Federal Triangle to catch a Capital Steps show. I think we were the youngest in there by 30 years, but whatever, it was hilarious. You can't go wrong with musical political satire in this beautiful city of ours.

Day 83, Sunday, 4/5, Hoppy Easter:

I hit up the sauna this morning to sweat out the alcohol, I guess in my head that would keep me from drinking again today as we are converging on Top Golf this afternoon to celebrate Easter and basically just being awesome. Again, apparently I am incapable of not drinking during certain events... driving ranges seem to be one of them. Joey and I split a bucket of delicious Heinekens. NO REGRETS! But now I am certain I am trying to sabotage myself. Get it together Canole. 7 days left.

Day 84-90, 4/5 - 4/12:

7 days. No more notes. Only zoned in on the finish line. This time I am a competitor before I am a wife or friend. Thank God those who love me understand that. I have worked too damn hard to give up now. I am running twice a day, sitting in the sauna every night, wrapping my stomach and arms with "those crazy wrap things" and weight training in-between. Every calorie is counted, every movement is tracked, every drop of water is measured. I had 7 days and tomorrow is the day. Monday I weigh in.

Day 39: Uggg Clothing Fail

Man, I don't know why I do this to myself. I have two pieces of clothing that are hanging in my closet that I have never been able to fit my big ass into. This morning I thought it would be a good idea to try them on. My orange tunic fits better, but I still wouldn't wear it in public. It fits everywhere but my arms, they are cut fairly slim compared to the rest of the shirt. I use this particular item to gauge my upper body progress.

 

The other item is this little black skirt I bought from Gap right before new years. I bought it because it said it was my size, but I could never pull it up past my hips. (The Gap Outlet has really jacked up sizing sometimes. You would think that I would try stuff on since I know this, but no). So, in my delusional morning stupor, I tried it on... I did manage to get it over my hips, but there is no way in hell I was getting that thing zipped. I think I have a good 3 months of hard work and a strict diet before it fits, for real. It has like a 5 inch gap. I would be lying If I said I wasn't disappointed. I really, really was. I was feeling skinny, so I was pretty bummed when it didn't come close to fitting.

The mind is a funny thing. I would think I would be happy because I could get it over my hips, as I was never able to do this previously... but no. Instead I felt defeated.

I took my whineyness to the gym and showed Q the pictures. She told me to get over myself and not to be crazy. So, I took out my frustration on the workout. I eventually got over it and started laughing. See, since I couldn't fit into my skirt, I decided to wear these ridiculous sauna pants I found in my closet. I felt like I was wearing dirty pee pants. They felt so gross. I must have lost a 2 liter worth of water from those things alone. I probably should have tried on my skirt afterword, it may have fit, lol.

I guess it will be awhile before I go and try on clothes that could potentially wreck my immediate emotional state. Instead I will stick to trying on something one size down. That seems to work out in my favor. I actually wore a size 16 jeans this afternoon for the first time in years and needed a belt. So I will take my small wins wear I can get them. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Day 35: Off the Wagon

I don't think I really believe in cheat days. I think they are slippery slopes; so today I am going to say I fell off the wagon... But I didn't just fall, I took a running leap headfirst into oncoming traffic. I really think I need a 12 step program.

This afternoon Ryan, I, Sabrina and John went to see the worst movie of the year 50 Shades of Terrible, but before the movie we went to eat at Matchbox; one of my favorite pizza places. I had a Bloody Mary, prosciutto and fig pizza with honey glaze, and cream of cauliflower soup. It was delicious... Then we went to the movie where I had a glass of Merlot and half of Sabrina's "junk" which consisted of rice crispy treats, potato chips, popcorn, and pretzels drizzled with chocolate. Once we got home, a couple of friends came over; we drank beer and went to hibachi. I destroyed some "Japanese Lasagna" sushi, 4 bottles of sake, an entire plate of fried rice and yum sauce. It was heaven. After dinner, we played card games and drank more beer. I wish I could say I regret any of it, but I don't.

See, last week had a really shitty end. Before this challenge started I used to drink as a source of comfort... But as I am aware this is unhealthy, I was able to significantly cut back because I was surrounding myself with people and places that made me feel comfortable and safe. As of right now, I don't feel a whole lot of comfort or safety, I feel a whole lot of pain and vulnerability and am having a really fucking hard time trying to remain positive on this little journey of mine. So this weekend I have basically stayed drunk and am eating my feelings. 

 

I'm trying to take it one day at a time and forget the entire situation, but it's hard. The pain comes and goes, now I just need it to stay gone. Until then, pray for me friends. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Day 31: Keep Calm... Or Not.

Today was "leg" day (and by leg day I mean ass day).... LUCKY FOR ME there is no more "taking it easy on Nicole because she is sick" business. I still have a nasty cough, but the color is back in my face and apparently I sound better... So yay for that.

Today we started out on the leg press and did 4 or 5 sets of 25 with God only knows how much weight. The next thing seriously about killed me. I don't even know what it is called, but Q had me bend backwards, balance my shoulders on the weight bench, and grabbed a 40 pound weight bar and placed it on my hips. From this position she had me dip my ass down, then bridge up squeezing everything at the top. I did this movement for 20 reps. Then we went over and did reverse lunges, 20 per side, then back to the dip it low thing. This went on three rounds.  It was exhausting to say the least.

After that was done, we went over to the turf and did more lunges, kettle bell swings, squats, and planks till failure... I feel like I am forgetting something... we ended a little early because I got super lightheaded, I just don't remember what I did to make me dizzy. Probably got up to fast... Oh well. Today sucked, but my ass thanked me in the end. I rewarded myself by hanging out in the sauna for 30 minutes, then headed to the smoothie bar to talk to Shep and Matt. It was a good day.

This evening I went back for some Kettlebell with Caes. I finally used a heavier weight for the majority of the workout! I can't even begin to remember everything we did. I was the test dummy tonight and started out with 5 Turkish get-ups (kill me, those things suck) while everyone else did swings. They were supposed to be progressive, but Caes realized this was going to take too long, so we went strait into the workout. We did a couple rounds of one minute swings, in and outs, squats, 3 partner exercises (plank rows, presses, and something else), lunge pass through's, leg lifts, Russian twists, flutter kicks and some other stuff.

The weight I used ranged between 26 and 35 pounds depending on the exercise. During the lunge pass through's Caes made me switch to the 17 pound because my balance was off and he didn't want me to fall over (which was a distinct possibility). I am pleased with my overall performance. A few more weeks at the 35 pounds then maybe I can move up to the big boys. Yeaahhhhh.

After KB, I jumped on the treadmill and walked it out at a varying incline while Joey finished up with Josh. Their session was particularly hilarious this evening. At one point, I look over and see Josh sitting on top of the sled that Joey was pulling through the gym.  I swear to God Josh looked like Santa and Joey was a reindeer. I wish I had taken a picture. It was awesome.

On that note, I think I am going to start my letter to Santa early. Let me get on that. I will talk to you tomorrow.

Day 30: Spaghetti Sauce & Spaghetti Squash, YUM

You guessed it, still sick. I woke up at 6 am with a crick in my back, so I proceeded to lay in the shower for an hour, then over to my inversion table, then back to bed. Needless to say I did not make it to Crossfit this morning. When will this ever end?!

Once I did make it out of bed I headed over to Costco and Wegmans to do some grocery shopping. I went to grab what has become my standards: salmon, salad, brussel sprouts, peas, bell peppers, pot roast, ground beef, fruit, tomatoes, coconut milk, almond milk, a billion kinds of fancy waters, and eggs. So many eggs.

For dinner tonight, I decided to make a version of my mom's spaghetti sauce. I subbed  95/5 beef instead of the normal 80/20 and used baked spaghetti squash as the noodles.  Everything turned out pretty good except I wasn't loving the substitution of lean beef.  The flavor wasn't as potent, which was expected.... but what I wasn't expecting is the weird way it clumped into these ball like structures. It ended up being like a thousand tiny meat balls.

For my sauce I put in:

29oz crushed tomatoes with garlic
29oz tomato sauce
8 oz tomato paste
4 cloves minced garlic
4 bay leaves
1 Honey Onion
3 Bell Peppers
2 Pounds 95/5 lean ground beef
Garlic Powder
Oregano
Fresh Cracked Pepper
Fresh Ground Himalayan Sea Salt

I sautéd the meat, onions and peppers prior to putting them in the sauce, then let it all the ingredients simmer for a couple hours.

For the "noodles" I took 2 spaghetti squash, cut them in half, sprayed them with a tiny bit of olive oil, sprinkled Himalayan sea salt, baked them 45 minutes, shredded them into a casserole dish, sprinkled some romano and parm, and placed it back in the oven for 10 minutes.

Once everything was done I threw some squash in a bowl and topped it with the sauce. It was pretty magical as far as healthy food goes.

I stole this picture of the interwebs because I didn't take a picture of the finished product, but this looks just like it. I promise.

So if you decide to make this thing, or some version of it, let me know how it goes and what you do different. I'm off to do something productive. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Day 29: Stretch All the Things

Well, I'm still sick, I'm just not going to let it keep me in bed anymore. My muscles are starting to atrophy. 

This morning I had my PT appointment with Q where we only did upper body. I was glad to get back to weight training, but I'll tell you what I wasn't glad about was the embarrassing amount of weight I was struggling with. I was doing the lat press machine and I was struggling, hard. The first round I did no weight, 20 reps; second set, 10 pounds per arm, 20 reps; third set 7.5 pounds per arm and I was for real hurting. Q looked at me and was like "Really Nicole? 10 pounds and your struggling?!" I mean, I didn't give up or anything... but I had to take a break. I was all sorts of winded and my arms were killing me. It was RIDICULOUS!

I guess it's because I'm still sick, I don't know, but it sucked. I don't even remember what all we did. I know there was some plank holding, more weight machines, crunches and lots of breaks.  But I did manage to do everything she through at me, so Nicole 1, Sickness 0.

As I was leaving, Q told me to take it easy the rest of the night and do some stretching. I took this as the perfect opportunity to go back to the gym tonight for Yoga Chill. I love yoga so much. I don't know why I tend to forget this. The last time I did a traditional organized Yoga class was at the ETC grand opening (like 3 or 4 months ago). Surprisingly, I did awesome. The Pilates I have been doing on Fridays has done amazing things for my flexibility, so I was able to get in and out of the poses with ease. I felt amazingly strong during the class as well. Yoga used to wear me out, but this time I wasn't tired. I was invigorated. At the end, Heidi, our instructor, put essential oils on a cloth and placed it on our heads during final pose. It was magical and just what the doctor ordered.

I think I am going to have to make this a weekly thing. One day of Pilates just isn't enough. I need to keep stretching all the things! Now that I am nice and relaxed, I am off to sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

 

Day 22: Ain't No Half-Steppin'

When I walked into the gym this morning, Q tells me we are going to be straight cardio training today. My first thought was "Shit, she is going to put me back on my arch enemy, the stair climber. I am going to have to make a run for it".... thankfully, she did not. She stuck me on the treadmill for an hour and jacked up the incline to one billion. My head was basically touching the ceiling. It didn't suck like I thought it would though. She does a really good job of keeping my mind off of what I am actually doing.  I ended up burning over 750 calories, I tried to take a picture of the incline, but it turned out all wonky and you can't read it. So Q took this one:

 

 

I am a bit surprised with this picture. Wendy mentioned the other day that she could tell a difference in the side pictures. I could not.... but when I look at this photo, I can. Maybe it is because my arms are up. I don't know. I mean, the numbers don't lie... I know there are major changes going down. I checked my weight again this morning... Since first seeing Q for nutrition in September last year, I have lost 17.1 pounds. 10 of those pounds were lost in the last 21 days. The weight is melting off with this whole insane training schedule I have going.

 

Speaking of melting. Q has me in the sauna for 20 minutes after our workouts now. Apparently its good for your muscles. I had never been in a sauna before. They honestly just looked like a really hot box and not very much fun.... but I was wrong. Saunas are awesome. It reminded me of my once beloved tanning bed. (I used to be an obsessive tanner, but stopped a few years ago because I became absurdly paranoid about skin cancer.) I went to sleep and ended up in there for longer than I meant to be, but not before taking a selfie... 

 

 

After I left the gym I went on about my business. I ran up to Alexandria and had lunch with my friend Desi. I love her. She is the best. She is kind of a social media genius, so she gave me a crash course on all things social. I have my work cut out for me. I left around 5:30 and headed back to the gym for round two.

 

I told you once before I am a bit of a voyeur when it comes to the trainers. I love watching other peoples sessions. When I went back to the gym, I was 20 minutes early for my Kettlebell class with Steven; so, I posted up on one of the stationary bikes. I am fairly convinced those things don't do a damn thing for you body, but I can easily sit in the corner, play on my phone and take unsuspecting pictures of Joey with no one any the wiser. I sat there with my hood up for about 15 minutes before my peoples noticed I was there. See:

 

Hi Joey. I miss your hair (Seahawks lost so he had to shave it all off this morning. Boys an their bets, I will never understand it.) The dude in the yellow is that Josh guy I talk about sometimes. He is one of the Crossfit coaches and personal trainers. He is cool.... kind of... ;)

 

After I got my kicks from watching Joey, I waddled over to the KB class. Sabrina had just finished up with Q so she made her go to the class with me. Poor Sabrina. This is why you have to run out the gym as soon as your time is up, otherwise you end up getting thrown into something else. KB was "fun". I used the 17 pound weight again and realized that I really was tossing that thing around like it ain't nothing. So, Wednesday I really am going use the 26 pounder (I know I said I was last Wednesday, but I was scared). After all, ain't no half-steppin' when it comes to fighting this battle.

 

On that note, I am out. I will talk to you tomorrow.

 

 

Day 17: Work That Pole Girl

Today was SUPER fun! Q surprised me earlier this week with a playlist she was putting together for a private S Factor Pole class for one of our training sessions. This afternoon we got to put that bad boy on and she taught me how to perfect some integral moves. We threw on the red light, cranked up the bass, and I have never had more fun in my life in a personal training session.

Let’s get one thing strait, pole is incredibly difficult. It requires a shitload of upper body strength and trust in yourself that you aren’t going to completely bust your ass. I am a big girl, there is no way around that. I have taken this group class several times, and while I loved it, I wasn’t able to do a lot of the things the others girls could do. LO AND BEHOLD, today I did awesome. Like, really awesome. Like, I don’t even know who this girl was or how she developed enough upper body strength to spin her big ass around the pole as many times as she did.

Q taught me how to perfect a couple of spins which are the firefly, firefly with extended leg, and firefly with leg tucked behind me. She also got me to pole climb with the prance down MULTIPLE TIMES! I have NEVER been able to do this, no matter how many times I’ve tried. So needless to say, I am pretty damn proud of myself. Check me out, this is the pole hold, prior to prance:

 

I am so sore I can barely lift my arms. I’ve got bruises coming up on my feet and legs, my back is throbbing, and I STILL feel like a rock star.  Pole class will beat the hell out of you (if you couldn’t tell), but what it does for your inner goddess is just indescribable. You will just have to take a class yourself and find out. It is amazing and only yours. You don’t have to share it with anyone if you don’t want to.

Even with all this upper body work during pole, I wasn’t about to give up my two-a- days or the opportunity to work with Caesare in Kettlebell. I really do love his class... So, I went back at 6 and rocked it out. We did 2 rounds of double squats with arm press, swings, plank rows, curls, soccer kicks, lunge pass throughs, butterfly kicks and leg lifts.  I am going to have to switch it up next week though. Currently I am only using the 17.5 pound kettle bell, but next Wednesday I think I am going to step up my game to the 26 pound. After all, Caes says: “Train the same, remain the same. Do different things, get different results… TurnUp!!!”

So I am going to TurnUp again tomorrow. Crossfit with my Lena comes early. We have Josh again, so this should be “fun” and by fun I mean awful...or awesome, I don't know... the Crossfit Kool-Aid has a way with distorting your emotions. I look forward to letting you know how it goes. Talk to you tomorrow!

 

 

 

 

Day 14: Shop the Perimeter, Check!

When I first joined ETC, I learned about this fancy idea called “perimeter shopping”. The idea is to shop the perimeter of the grocery store, where fresh foods like fruits, vegetables, dairy, meat, and fish are located and avoid the center aisles where junk foods live. I put this in action Sunday as Joey and I roamed around Costco. I picked up delicious fresh salmon, chicken, ground turkey, roast, grapes, blueberry’s, raspberry’s, kale, peas, 5 pounds of nuts, and 7 grain bread.  Eating healthy is a lot less challenging this go round. Probably because I am learning to look at food as fuel for its nutritional value instead of a pleasure source. A side effect to this is that I am learning how delicious truly fresh and non-processed foods are. Overall, I’d say I am winning. One step closer to being even more fabulous! ;-)

Day 13: Gym, What Gym?

I woke up this morning to one of my favorite things, a house full of people. (I'm quite serious, I love company. We have an open door policy, everyone is always welcome.) See, we have a fully stocked bar in our basement and one rule, if you are drinking here, you are staying here too. Friends don’t let friends drink and drive. So needless to say, I woke up and cooked breakfast for everyone.

Ugh, let’s just talk about trying to cook a healthy version of a regularly fattening and delicious breakfast pastime.

One of my most favorite breakfast food objects is french toast casserole in all of its fattening glory. Mmmmm butter, whipping cream, white bread, maple syrup. Yes. PURE deliciousness. This whack adventure consisted of wheat bread, sugar free syrup, skim milk, and cooking spray. Ugh it tasted like cardboard. Thank God for cinnamon and nutmeg, otherwise there would have been no flavor at all. I do have the best friends a gal could have though, they were all so kind to pretend to like it, even though I told them they didn’t have to eat it. Note to self: come up with better healthy recipes for groups.

Needless to say, I had big plans for the day, but it all went to hell as soon as we sat down and started watching Kevin Hart stand-up. He is so hilarious, it just sucks me in. I finally got up about 3pm and headed out for work. I worked until 8ish then headed home.

I wish I could say I went to the gym today, but I didn’t. I did, however, walk around IKEA for an hour dodging horrible people and small children coming at me from every direction... but at least I still ate healthy, it’s the small victories that get me through.

 

 

 

Day 10: I am a Hufflepuff

If we wanted to get technical, according to Pottermore,  I am actually a Ravenclaw, but in today’s fitness journey, I am definitely a Hufflepuff… or better yet a huff-n-puff.

I was up so late last night. I was on a writing roll and ended up going down a blog rabbit hole (similar to a Wikipedia rabbit hole… you know when one minute you are reading about the history of kettlebells and somehow end up learning the in depth components of the human digestive system… yeah that). Needless to say, I didn’t make it to bed until 3am. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop me from waking up at 7am.  

I love this man of mine. Ryan is the best. He was working from home today, so I woke up to him standing over me staring sweetly looking at me, offering to cook me breakfast… well Of COURSE I am going to let him cook for me!... but only after giving him a list of certain demands. 2 eggs, No butter, PAM only, no bread, turkey bacon only, and PLEASE cut up an orange. Once I smelled the bacon, I finally got up to wobble down stairs. It was perfect and delicious.  He even PEELED the orange for me. It was so delicious that as soon as I finished eating I went right back upstairs and crawled back into bed. Then my bed proceeded to eat my soul and did not want to let me go.

As I laid there and thought about all the reasons I could call and give Q to get me out of the training session, I got a text from my bestie Abby that told me to "conquer the world today". I love her so much. This is why she is my favorite. So ultimately I groaned, peeled myself back out of bed, put on workout clothes, and headed out the door to meet Q at 12.

Man, am I glad I did. I can’t believe I am about to say this, but I actually had a good time doing this particular workout. Q had me do something she developed 15 years ago called “Cryin’ Ryan’s”. This was a modified version with less weight and reps than the original, but it still about killed me. I am probably going to miss a sequence or two, but from what I can remember it consisted of 2 front squats, 2 back squats, 2 side squats, shoulder press, drop into pushup, hold plank, right arm row, left arm row, right arm lift to ceiling, left arm lift to ceiling, pop up and start again. This is all happening while holding 12 pound weights. I went through each set 5 times then walked over to the treadmill, jacked the incline up to 12 and walked it out for 3 to 5 minutes, then headed back to the turf and did it all over again. This went on for 3 rounds. It was hard, but I honestly enjoyed it. I mean, I know it sounds crazy, it may even be possible that I was slipped a hallucinogen and all this is just a really vivid trip, but I ( the girl who hates exercise), actually enjoyed something really physically challenging. Praise be! Progress is being made.

I enjoyed it so much, I decided to go back tonight for round 2. Kettlebell with Caesare. Check it out:

Tonight’s class consisted of 2 rounds in “1 minute” increments of the following: jumping rope, leg lifts, flutter kicks, Russian twists, double squats with shoulder press, around the world, in and outs (not sure if that’s the right name), kettlebell swings, and burpees. Caes says these are all “1 minute” blocks, but those are the longest damn minutes of my life. I swear he just says it's "1 minute" to trick us into keeping the momentum going. 

Other than his time manipulation, Caes is a king. He knows everyone’s name in class and as we are all grunting, huffing, puffing, and screaming out in pain, he walks around offering individual encouragement and forces you to be better. Making you get your legs down, correcting your form, making sure you’re not about to pass out. He does all of the things that make you strive to be better and stronger than you were the day before. He makes you “Go T.U.F.F.”. Apparently I went so tuff tonight that I actually did a real pushup... like back strait, arms parallel and everything. He swears to it! This is the king in his natural habitat, reminding us we are team no excuses:

After class, Joey and I walked over to chat with Q and Caesare about food. Earlier in the evening we decided that we needed a steak tonight, so we were going to outback after we left the gym. Now, considering that I am clearly trying to go hard at this challenge, I am not about to put anything in my mouth that I don’t run by Q first. (I bring this woman labels if it is something that is not already on my approved list of foods for her to make sure I can eat it, I am being kind of intense right now.) She gave me the approved items and off we went to enjoy our dinner.

I have to tell you, I was nervous at first to give our waiter all of my “demands”, but it turned out to be a really good experience. I ordered the Ahi with no sauce for the app, the filet grilled, no added butter - cooking spray only, a sweet potato with cinnamon only, and a salad with fat free tomato vinaigrette on the side. Our waiter was so understanding. I forgot to say no cheese, but he stopped to ask before he put it in just in case. He was so sweet and wasn’t irritated (like I thought he would be) at all. This was my first official attempt at eating healthy out and it went really well. He told me he even watched them make my sweet potato to make sure they didn’t put any butter on it. It turned out to be one of the better dinners out I have had in a while. Who knew that when you ask them not to load it down with so much shit, it actually tastes like real food?!

Today I may have started out feeling like a Hufflepuff, but as I sit here this evening with all my small victories, I feel like I really earned my right to be a Ravenclaw. On that note friends, I am taking my behind to sleep. 9am with my favorite trainer comes early! Talk with you tomorrow.



 

Day 9: Everything is Awesome

Everything is cool when you're part of a team
Everything is awesome
When we're living our dream

Today is one of those days I am totally humming “Everything is Awesome”…. Because everything is AWESOME. Crossfit sucks, but Crossfit is even awesome when your class consists of 1 instructor and 1 of your friends. Now I do have to say, this particular Crossfit is like Crossfit for beginners. It is called Crossfit Element’s. This teaches you how to do the move correctly in order to get you ready for “mother crossfit”. This is everything we did today:

It was a 9am class and my first time ever doing Crossfit. The very first sentence out of my mouth to the instructor, Marci was: “Hi, I’m Nicole, and I am terrified of Crossfit”. She smiled and assured me it was not scary. I still had my doubts... but now that I have Q as my trainer, I can assure you Crossfit is not so scary.  However, I repeat, It does suck. Thankfully it was just me, Lena and Marci who as people do not suck.

I love working out with Lena because she makes me laugh. I really love people who make me laugh, it is my most favorite thing to do. So when Marci says “make sure your chest hits the floor before your stomach” during the WOD pushups, and Lena shoots a look to Marci with her big doe eyes and says “But I can’t, my stomach is bigger than my chest!” (Which it is really, really not) I started laughing because she didn’t miss a beat. In addition to Lena’s quick sense of humor, she has been doing Crossfit for a little bit now and it made me push myself further than I probably would have otherwise. I tried my best to keep up with her, but that last set of wall balls did me in.  I really want to be friends with that damn medicine ball, but he sure is making it hard! Enjoy this picture of our relationship struggle:

After we finished up Lena and I walked over to the smoothie bar to refuel and started chatting with my favorite bartender Shep.  This guy has honestly become one of my favorite people in the entire world. He is an incredibly talented artist and one of the nicest and most humble people you will ever meet. He brings a smile to my face every time I talk to him. Today was no exception. He, along with other talented local artists are working on massive installations for the new Clearbrook Center for the Arts in Tackett’s Mill.  As we were talking, he started drawing and behold with only a marker I watched him bring form and motion to life with his hands. I was completely hypnotized. Next thing you know, he hands me the marker and tells me to “add a line”. I was so nervous, I felt like I was just given a piece of gold from King Midas and I was a lonely popper who didn’t know what to do with it. He gave me a lesson on how to Zentangle and I ended up sitting there for the next 2 and a half hours drawing and painting with an incredible artist who I am proud to call my friend. This is the master in action:

That’s right, at our gym we foster healthy bodies and healthy minds. I did Crossfit and then got an art lesson from one of the most talented people I have ever met. What do you do at your gym?  

After I got out of my art bubble and realized what time it was, I left and ran over to Ikea to buy more stuff for a client. The rest of the day flew. I went to Arlington to drop off my clients items, came home, cooked dinner, started writing tonight’s entry, and then headed back to the Gym for Zumba. Lena even decided to stick around for class tonight too! So together we danced our butts off with Frank. It was a wonderful day. EVERYTHING was AWESOME!

To end, I shall leave you with some of Shep’s pieces I hijacked off his Instagram. If you love art and want to be inspired, follow him. His name is Shepherd Norman and handle is “___evol_” (that is three underscores, evol, one underscore). He has so many mediums, it is incredible. Enjoy!

 

 

Day 8: Medicine Ball – Friend of Foe, Jury’s Still Out

Whew, I am EXHAUSTED! I have been nonstop today. 9am on the road to de-stage a home that sold (I swear I must have gone up 40 flights of stairs after that was over), 11am back at the warehouse to unpack, 12:30 PT with Q.

This week we (and by we I mean Q) will be killing me with full body workouts for every training session and continuing on with the two-a-days. I swear Q must be a cyborg. She was walking backwards on the stair climber while I was contemplating the meaning of life, but I will get to that.

This afternoons workout consisted of a treadmill warm-up, 2 rounds of the following: squats with a barbell on my shoulders, lat pulldowns, some other arm press thing, deadlifts, TRX Abs that turned into planking after a mini panic attack, and slamming the medicine ball on the ground while simultaneously doing squats. To end she made me do 10 minutes on what may be the most evil and hateful cardio machine known to man. The stair climber.

So back to one of my nemeses, the TRX strap. Apparently I really hate those things and I am not even sure why. She had me doing abs where your feet are in the straps, and you tuck your knees into your chest. I did this particular move the other night without much issue, but today I only made it through the first 8 and started to go into a panic attack. I tried several times to get back into position, but I couldn’t catch my breath and I could NOT make myself do it. I think Q saw the panic on my face, so she let me hold planks until I collapsed… the moral of this story is, if you have any ideas why this would have happened. Please leave in comments because I am at a complete loss.

Now for the stair climber. As we were ending the second set, Q looks over at the clock and sees we have 15 minutes left. She then informs me that I will be getting on that God forsaken machine…. You remember… I said I climbed 40 sets of stairs this morning, right? Yeah, she knew that and didn’t care. It was the goal for me to remain on this beast for 10 minutes…. And as it turns out, I surprised the shit out of myself and did it. I am fairly certain there are 3 reasons why: 1. Q is next to me walking backwards on the damn thing like it aint nothing (that’s right, I said aint. It was on purpose) so I certainly couldn’t collapse with THAT happening beside me. 2. She was doing me an amazing favor by talking to me about random things to keep my mind off what I was actually doing… perfume, we were talking mostly about perfume and it was awesome. Don’t judge me. 3. She let me go at a turtles pace which still sucked, but sucked a hell of a lot less than it could have.

After she let me off, Q glided while I stumbled over to the counter to look at the schedule for tomorrow where I was informed I will be doing Crossfit at 9am. Holy titties I am crapping my pants. Crossfit scares the hell out of me, but apparently, she thinks I can do it, so that is what I am going to do.

Now I am off to have a delicious home cooked meal with some friends. I will leave you with a letter to my friend/foe the medicine ball.

Dear Medicine Ball,

Why are you so deceiving? You look like you want to be my friend. You are pretty colors, soft, and huggable. Why do you turn into a 400 pound boulder 20 reps in and make me reevaluate everything I believe in? I need you to get it together and remain manageable.

Love Always,

Nicole

Day 6: Treat. Yo. Self.

These last couple of days have been rough. I have been on a roller coaster of emotion. One minute being strong and excited and the next a ball of nerves unable to get out of my head. I also haven’t been getting more than 4 hours of sleep at night. I felt the crash coming and it was scaring me.

Let me explain. I don’t “talk about feelings” with people. Ironic coming from someone chronicling a 90 day transformation journey, I know; but that is one of the reasons why I am doing this. I am forcing myself to open up, be venerable and work through my issues. Writing is a lot different for me than talking. With writing, I don’t have to see the concern in the face of a person or hear the pity in their voice once I confess my weaknesses. I can control what I release by pressing the delete button.

I do however, occasionally wear emotion on my face... which is the worst. Then people ask me what the hell is wrong because I am not smiling or joking around like normal. I usually just brush over it or make something up to satisfy the question and force a smile. Until today. This morning I was training with Q and towards the end she mentioned she noticed my energy level seamed low.  I said “yeah, it is. We’ll talk after the session”. In my head I just planned on telling her I wasn’t sleeping and wanted some advice or supplements to take. What actually happened was I finally opened up to someone about my physical insecurities. I think Q may have missed her calling as a therapist. She listened, said some very insightful things and gave me a lot to think about. It was a much needed release and I am grateful to have found someone I feel safe enough to talk to about the journey.

I left the gym with a more stable outlook and went to my studio and started tinkering around. Overall, I had a very productive day (something I am noticing is a definite side effect of working out). Another side effect to working out is being able to fit into your clothes better and walking with more confidence. I found this out at 5 o’clock when I started getting ready to go out to a cabaret in DC. My skin was clearer, my face was brighter, and my legs were stronger.  I put on a little black dress, heels, and hair, and celebrated life and a week well done with my husband and friends.

 

I had a glass or three of wine, let all of my negative emotions and self-doubt go, and indulged in the decadent and opulent atmosphere of SAX DC. I had the best time I have had in months. I felt sexy, loved, and free. I am ready to tackle next week. 

So cheers to you friends, and remember to Treat. Yo. Self.  It is good for you. I will talk with you tomorrow. 

Day 5: The Struggle is Real

Have you ever thought you might be legitimately crazy? Have you ever had so many thoughts swirling around in your head you become nauseous? If not, you’re lucky. If so, welcome to the party. We should start a support group. As I type this I feel manic. My heart is pounding, my eye is twitching, and it is taking every ounce of self-control I can muster not to walk downstairs and grab a bottle of bourbon.

This morning my will power was strong, I was still high off last night’s accomplishments.  I woke up early, made a delicious breakfast and headed to a class I was actually looking forward to. I was taking a Pilates Rehabilitation where we actually got to use Pilates machines. I have seen the machines before, but never paid much attention to them. Let me tell you, when I first really looked at them, the first thing out of my mouth was “are we about to be water boarded?!” It didn’t help that when I walked over to my machine this notice was on it:

 

This is the actual machine:

I always knew the gym would try and kill you if you gave it the chance. This just confirmed my suspicion. Thankfully, Vicki was instructing and she didn’t let the machines come to life and exterminate their prey like I'm sure they wanted to. I think they trust her as one of their own.

I have taken several classes with Vicki, she is the Director of Group Fitness at ETC and responsible for the group signature classes that I absolutely love. With her I have been lucky enough to take Pound Fit, Body Pump, Pilates, Pole Fit and my absolute favorite, Air Fit (this is the silk scarves that are hanging from the ceiling that you do Yoga with). Vicki has a beautiful way of empowering your femininity that is good for your soul. I will never forget the first time I had a lengthy conversation with her. We had just started S Factor Pole Fitness as one of the group classes at ETC. I had no intention of taking it because I didn’t think I could get my big ass up that pole. Then she started telling me about the philosophy behind S Factor and I was so moved, I was teary eyed. Sure enough, I signed up and was in class the next day. Ladies, I will tell you one thing, if you want to get in touch with your inner goddess, go take an S Factor class. I felt so empowered. It is a beautiful class in a completely judgment free zone. There are ladies of all shapes and sizes and all fitness levels. It really is a lot of fun. It’s good for your soul.

That is one thing I am learning on this journey. You can’t just go hard and train, train, train. You have to do things you enjoy or you will collapse. I needed this Pilates class today for so many reasons. 1. Because I needed to deeply stretch my muscles after these last few days 2. Pilates is an incredible full body workout. 3. It corrects your posture and encourages spine elongation, which I desperately need. 4. It helps you learn how to breath during exercise which I need serious work on. 5 (and most importantly to me) I wanted to be there. I was looking forward to it. The mind/body connection that I feel during Pilates (and yoga) is healing.  I felt awesome when I left the gym!

I spent the next few hours doing things I love. I went and dropped off all the furniture for my client in Arlington, then I decided to treat myself to a stroll around some of my favorite home furnishing stores to see if they had anything new. I came home, grabbed a salad and sat down with my laptop. That is when the crazy came.

I started a battle with Bloggers comment software (the site that hosts this blog) that turned into an all-out war. When it comes to computers, I can figure out a lot of things and ease my way around pretty swiftly; but I kept getting errors and I was doing everything I was supposed to. On queue, I started to panic and go into a tail spin. Thank God Ryan got home, jumped on his computer and fixed the problem. Now, thanks to the Obi-Wan Canole, I have a working comment section. You would think that would have stopped my tailspin… but it didn’t.

When I get into my head like that, I spin and end up going down a rabbit hole of failures. I failed to fix this insignificant problem and all of a sudden I’m failing at everything, being a wife, being a small business owner, being a friend, and succeeding in the challenge. It is all very exhausting and very much bullshit. This is just my demons raising their head trying to keep me down. Well fuck that. I am stronger than that and I refuse to accept failure. There are too many people in my corner and I owe it to myself to be mentally and physically healthy. 

On that note, cheers to you friend, here is to staying awesome and living to see another day. I’ll chat with you tomorrow.

Day 3: I Woke Up Like Dis…In Pain

I have been sore from working out before, but I am not so sure ever quite like this. This morning I am sore in very specific points of my ass and legs. So sore that when I started walking down the stairs, I just knew this was the end, I was about to tumble down the stairs and break my neck. This is how I was going to die. Thankfully, I have a tendency of jumping to the worst possible conclusion and in fact did not die. However, I wanted to…. I made it halfway down the stairs and realized I had to turn around and go grab my Exerspy because I left it sitting on the counter. (Side Note// Attn Body Media: I think you are behind the curve. The fact this thing is not waterproof is somewhat ridiculous. I should be able to wear it in the shower. Please get it together.) Needless to say, I made it back down the stairs and cooked myself a “delicious” breakfast consisting of oatmeal and 3 fried eggs (no fat added, thanks PAM). So here I sit, not dead, with my laptop, water bottle, and dog snuggled by the fire (it’s snowing out). It all feels very 1900’s brooding writer; minus the laptop, and the fact I’m blogging and not writing a great American novel.

At this point, I should probably introduce you to my two dear friends who are on this journey with me. My longtime friend turned roommate, Joey. And Sabrina, the friend from “day one” who convinced me to join Gold’s ETC in the first place. (Hi guys, you rock.) Joey is doing the challenge and will be training three times a week with Mike. For Joey it is all about the gains. Sabrina just joined the challenge and will be training twice a week with a trainer yet to be determined. (Personally, I hope she gets Caesare. He is a beast and we love him.) She is using the challenge to kick start her fitness goals for 2015.

Last night I decided to go back to the gym to take a 7pm Zumba class with Sabrina and Joey came for the TSAC demo. (TSAC is Tactical Strength and Conditioning for Military, Fire, Police, etc. In my opinion, it is for crazy people. I am not kidding you when I tell you they have people puking). Now Zumba (specifically with Frank) is like going to the club. The music is amazing, we have super fun disco lights, and Frank is a riot. We have dance offs in class and he comes down to dance with us individually. I don’t think I am very good, but when he picks you out of the crowd to dance it out, it feels like you can do anything.  This is a picture of the studio before class started so you get the idea of the setting. There are usually 40 or 50 people in his class.

About halfway through Zumba I was so tired from training with Q earlier in the day, I felt my hips and legs screaming at me to give up. There are three reasons I didn’t: 1. Frank’s class is way to much fun 2. Right as I was thinking about quitting, Q jumps in the class and dances it out for a song in her full TSAC gear and 3. I look over and see Sabrina shaking what her momma gave her and knew she wasn’t going to quit, so I couldn’t either.

When class ended we walked over to the turf to go watch the TSAC demo where I found Joey. He was a sweaty mess. Apparently TSAC is every bit as intense as I think it is in my head. I am a bit of a voyeur when it comes to all this hard core training they do and I usually find myself a spot on a piece of cardio equipment so I can watch. See, here is my view:

I am telling you it is like “dinner and a show” (minus the dinner). ETC does TSAC, MMA, Boxing, and Crossfit. I think they are all nuts. If I was really honest with myself, I watch because I wish that was me, I am just scared of not being able to and embarrassing myself, but I am working through this. I will get there, I will climb that rope and carry those pipes, I will fight and one day I will be hard core too.

I will be hard core with the help of you, my readers and friends. Writing brings me great joy, it allows me to be introspective and really understand why I am doing this to begin with. However, writing publically wouldn’t be as much fun if no one was reading, so I have to thank you for all your sweet comments, phone calls, and emails. It means a lot to me that you are taking time out of your day to read this. You are part of my much needed support structure.

Support…. I can’t tell you how important it is to have friends in this with you and an incredible support system at the gym. Having Joey and Sabrina in this with me is amazing, I have people who get it and people to bitch to, both very important.  The best part is it doesn’t end there. The ETC family is unreal. I don’t even know how they managed to staff an entire gym with kind and loving people. I didn’t even know people like this still existed, especially in Northern VA. When I walked in the first time after my “holiday break” Matt, one of the sales guys sees me and asks me how I was feeling because he heard I had been sick. Shep, my favorite “bartender” (We have a smoothie bar) gives me a hug. Lena, the front desk manager sees me and screams “Hi honey, we missed you!” Vikki, one of the fitness directors takes time for her busy day to come say hi and chat for a bit. Last night Joe, one of the owners walked by and said “Hi, Nicole”.  At ETC you are not just a number, you are a person who they care about. This is going to be the difference. This is what is going to help me succeed. I am truly grateful to have found this family.

With that being said. I am off to be productive. I have MOI (Mind Over Intensity) Cycle at 5:30 with Sabrina and Joey. I will try to stay alive to see another day. Talk with you tomorrow.

Day 2: Let the Games Begin

Meet Q, a goddess among women and a possible sadist. She is my trainer and a potential murderer.

I am really questioning my sanity at this point. This morning I woke up at 8 to be at the gym by 9 for Q to try and kill me. At least that what I think she is trying to do.  For the life of me I can’t quite figure out why anyone would subject themselves to this kind of torture. Except for maybe this one thing. It is only 3 o’clock right now and I have been more productive today than I have in months. Is this a side effect of working out? Becoming a productive member or society?  This would certainly be a welcome consequence…I am sure I will discuss this in a future posting, but for now, I digress.

Oye, this morning’s workout. Q was funny. She says “Well, I originally was going to start out having you do a full body workout each day, but I reevaluated and decided we are just going to work your legs and core. I don’t want you to be too sore on Thursday.” So in my head I am thinking SWEET! She is going to take it easy on me. HA! Ha. Haaaaa. WRONG. This woman had me so tired I fell over, twice… but I will get to that.

I started out nice and slow doing 15 or so minutes on the treadmill in order to "get my body warm" and then went into two sets of torture: leg presses, getting up and down on this box thing with weights in my hand. (Side note; Q hilariously says: "this box is probably too small for you since you are so tall. We will switch to a taller one next set". Um, excuse me, WHAT?! No. I promptly informed her that no matter how much I appreciate her vote of confidence I think she is drastically overestimating my physical endurance or ability to balance on anything more than say 6 inches off the ground. As it turns out, I was right, she let me stay on the smaller box, which is only 2 feet off the ground versus 2.5 feet. It is the small victories)

Anyhow, back to the initial set. After the boxes came these things called “Frankenstein” which would only make sense if you saw how it looked. Really, it looks more like you are marching in the Red Army, but I suppose Frankenstein sounds better than Communist. After this set is when I fell over the first time. There is a beautiful boxing ring in our gym that I just knew was soft (it's not). So in a fog of sweat and panting, I clumsily stumbled over to it and gracefully lied down flopped like a fish on to the ring. That lasted all of 10 seconds. She laughed, then yelled at me to get up. I wasn’t done.

The second part consisted of two more sets of leg presses with more weight, pushing a sled through the gym, holding a medicine ball above my head and lifting my legs to meet it… At this point, I really considered dropping the medicine ball on my head and breaking my nose so I could get out of this. I ultimately decided I did not want to spend the rest of my day in the ER, so I best just suck it up. To finish everything off, we did one armed planks where I had to play patty cake with Q while planking. Man, who comes up with this stuff?! This is when I fell over the second time. After that last round of patty cake I laid my big ass on that floor panting praising the good Lord for getting me through it.

On a more serious note, I had an interesting conversation with Q while I was warming up on the treadmill. I was telling her that I am considering going to a therapist to see if they can help me get over the mental blocks that always pop up when I try a traditional diet or exercise routine. She told me some personal stories from her own life, then asked me few questions that I am going to be exploring over the next week or so... And since you are on this journey with me, I will ultimately be talking to you about all of this too. Here are the questions:

1.  Where were you emotionally before you became overweight?

2. What do you think is the underlying reason that caused you to gain the weight?

And my favorite loaded question (these are more my words than hers, she is a little more tactful than I; but ultimately the same…)

3. Why are you “okay” with being fat?

Did I mention that Q is not only a specimen of physical perfection, but also incredibly insightful?

On that note, I have lived to breathe another day. I will talk with you tomorrow.

Day 1: I. Am. Terrified. A Fit Fat Girls Begining

It occurs to me that the title may lead you to believe I am already a fit fat girl, but let me assure you I am not. This is the beginning of that journey.

 

Hi, my name is Nicole and I completely lack self-control. I love food, wine, and whiskey and when it comes to denying myself pleasure, which all of these items bring me, I suck at saying no. I would love to tell you that I have decided to embark on this adventure for some beautiful and heartwarming reason, but the fact is, it is simple and purely selfish. I am sick of the nuisance of being fat.  

 

Here is the thing, I have always struggled with my weight and at times I really don’t mind being a big girl. I have the most amazing husband who will love and find me sexy no matter if I am 300 pounds or 150. As touching as that is, it adds to the struggle of keeping up the motivation to do anything about it. I also don’t have your standard self-esteem issues. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a fat girl. I see someone beautiful. I see someone funny, charming, smart, educated, talented, loved; I see someone awesome. The problem is not the mirror. The problem is life.

 

When I am in the metro, I worry that my ass is encroaching on the passenger sitting next to me. When I go to the theater I worry about comfortably fitting in the seat. I have to pay more to go skydiving. I have to worry about weight limits for things like zip lining or Segway tours. Honestly, it’s a crap shoot whether or not my ass will properly fit in the seats at amusement parks. To further matters, it continues to piss me off that I can’t fit into my fabulous cocktail dresses from my early 20’s and that I can’t shop at my favorite stores anymore. These are all superficial reasons and major nuisances to someone who loves to enjoy life to the fullest like me. So what do you do? You join a gym… or at least that’s what I did.

 

It’s not like I don’t know how to work out. I was in the military for 8 years. I just hate it. Even when I was in and had to work out in order to keep my job I hated it. Running, Ewe. Sit-ups, Ewe. Push-ups, EWE! But whatever, it had to be done. I kept my body in an acceptable condition, never amazing, but good enough to get by.  Needless to say when I got out, the first thing to go was working out. In the last 3 years I have gained 60 pounds.
 

Back in August, a friend of mine was going on and on about the new Gold’s Gym Elite Training Center (ETC) opening soon and convinced me to come check out their sales center and take a boxing class. I learned 2 things that day. 1. Boxing is hard. 2. This gym was going to be like something I had never experienced before.
 

In their sales pitch they said this was the flagship ETC location and truly a new way of approaching a gym by making it a carnival of fitness and a home away from home. Somewhere you want to come and hang out even when you’re not working out. Honestly, when I was hearing that I was rolling my eyes and thinking, "yeah that’s bullshit, but it sure does sound good". As the sales pitch went on, we walked down to see the new gym under construction and it was all very impressive. State of the art equipment, multiple studios, and incredible sound systems; all very over the top and appealing… but I wasn't so much convinced. Then something happened that made me warm and fuzzy and I knew I had found a new “home”. I went to the boxing class and when I came out, I looked over and saw their entire staff, including the owners, singing happy birthday to one of their sales guys.  This struck me that maybe this was not just a sales pitch, but an actual corner stone of their business model. They really are a family here and they will value their members. I could not have made a better decision.

 

Since joining I have met many amazing and talented people, made wonderful friends, enjoyed health seminars, and had the most fun I have ever had in my life working out. I consistently laugh, cry, sweat, and look in awe at these God’s and Goddess’s of fitness who have chosen not only to be 5 stars of physical perfection, but also some of the most kind and inspiring people I have ever met. This brings me to Qawnana “Q” and Caesare, a dream team of personal training. I was doing amazing. I had been seeing Q for nutrition education for a few months and talking to Caesare about my fitness goals and “holding him personally responsible for me losing 80 pounds”. Then the holidays hit and I fell off the wagon and I fell off hard.

 

I stopped eating right, I stopped going to the gym, and I stayed in bed or on the couch for absurd amounts of time. As where this would have normally been where my motivation ended and I would continue fat girl status, my trainers and now friends wouldn't let that happen. I started getting Facebook messages and phone calls asking me where I was and telling me they missed me at the gym. Next thing you know I am back, I have signed up for the “The Gold’s Gym Challenge” which is a 12-week body transformation contest available to Gold’s Gym members. I also decided the only way to be serious about this and remain accountable is to sign up for personal training 3 times a week. Training starts at 9am tomorrow morning.

 

This is where my true journey begins. I have no doubt that Q and Caesare are going to absolutely kick my ass. I am terrified and excited. Stay tuned for my daily ranting’s of a fat girl meeting her inner fit girl.