Day 71-73: The World Ain't Ready

Day 71, Tuesday, 3/24: Today was one of the many days in my life that I proudly proclaim as the "Best Day Ever". It started out with Q at 9, followed by heading to my girl Yaya's house for the most fabulous pedicure ever, stopped by Massage Envy to schedule a massage for tomorrow, then ran to Potomac Mills for some retail therapy. Let's just take a second to discuss the psychological state of a fat girl who has now lost enough weight to fit back into her favorite brands.

First a little background. In my very first blog post, I mentioned "it continues to piss me off that I can’t fit into my fabulous cocktail dresses from my early 20’s and that I can’t shop at my favorite stores anymore." What I didn't get into, is exactly how much shopping meant to me and how much I identify with my wardrobe. To me, clothes aren't just something to cover your naked body, they are the vehicle to show the world who you are. Prior to my fat girl status, if I was not in uniform, I was in dresses, pearls, and flip flops 75% of the time (since I am a Southern Belle and all). If I wasn't in a dress, I was in shorts and a tank top. After the fatness took over I stuck to jeans, capris, maxi dresses, and chinos. Still cute, just not as fabulous. My favorite stores were Banana Republic, Gap, Ann Taylor, Limited, and White House Black Market. I shopped other places too, but these were my true loves. If you haven't figured it out by now, I was a bit of a preppy.

Even when I could only fit into plus size clothing (Layne Bryant, Torrid, Eloquii, Macy's Fat Girl Section, etc.), I would still torture myself by going to my favorite stores just to check out the latest trends; every once and a while buying a purse or shoes just to feel like I belong. More often than not, I wouldn't even be acknowledged as I roamed the racks. To me, it seemed as if the sales girls were saying "What is that big girl doing here, she can't wear our clothes".  I always left feeling sad and a bit disheartened. However, if there is one thing I am excellent at, it is compartmentalizing; so, I would never let it effect me long enough for me to do anything about it.

I didn't realize exactly how much I have been craving high quality silk and cashmere or even more the acknowledgement of the staff at my favorite stores, until today. As I pulled up to Potomac Mills, I made a B-Line to Banana Republic. Within minutes, I had an armful of clothes and a girl offering to start my dressing room. I wish I could accurately describe to you the sense of complete euphoria that washed over me as I put on the first outfit and realized I had to ask for a smaller size. It was as if every fiber of my being was screaming YAAASSSSS, YOU DID IT!!!! YOU ARE BACK AND THE WORLD AIN'T READY. I felt amazing and fierce. I felt in control of my life and my body. I took some pictures of course to commemorate the occasion:

 

Once I left Banana, I popped into J Crew, Limited, Coach, Kate Spade, H&M, and Off Broadway Shoes. I fell in love with these Betsey Johnson's. I think they may have magical properties, because I look pretty fabulous in this picture if I may say so:

I didn't want my day to end, but I had to get to the gym. I had Joey texting me keeping me in check. So, off I went to pick him up and get in a round of abs. Pretty good end to the best day ever.

Day 72, Wednesday, 3/25: A day of pampering. This morning I was busy just doing me. I had Q at 10, Caitlin (my hair stylist) at 11:30, and a much needed massage at 5:30. I am feeling pretty fierce lately, so we went with a rock star hairstyle. I also happen to be leaving for NYC Friday morning and am going with my cousin who is model material and I can't be looking like a bum beside him.

Day 73, Thursday, 3/26: Let the adventures begin. I have to get it in prior to my NYC adventure; so, I had Q at 12, tanning at 2, and my cousin Jacob got into town at 3. Once he got in, we hung out for a little bit, then headed off to Churchkey in DC for a few beers. Say bye bye diet. Hope I don't completely destroy you. I'll let you know how it goes.

Days 65-70: Whirlwind of Events

'Tis the busy season for my job, as such I routinely run out of time by the end of the day and therefore have to condense my blogging to weekly for the time being. This will be an adventure, I can barely remember what happened yesterday, so it should be fun trying to remember what I do for an entire week. 

Day 65, Wednesday, 3/18: Q at 9 am, Restage a beautiful condo in Belmont Bay, go to warehouse and pack for tomorrows staging, head back to gym for second round of abs with Joey... pass out face first from exhaustion.

Day 66, Thursday, 3/19: Stage unoccupied home in Fairfax, head to the gym with Joey, fall asleep and drool on myself.

Day 67, Friday, 3/20:  Q at 9am, 2 Destagings, Dinner with Hubby's co-workers, adventure to Fredericksburg that ended in an internal battle over a drink.

We went to see Insurgent at my favorite movie theater which has a swanky bar and 21+ section. We had an hour to kill, so we sat in the bar chatting where I discovered they had drinks tailored to the faction you identify with... SO OF COURSE I ORDERED DAUNTLESS before it even registered that I wasn't supposed to be drinking. As the drink gets brought to the table, Joey gives me shit about the alchohol. I sat there, took a sip, set it down, stared at it for a while, and eventually gave up and passed it to my husband. Instead I got a water with lemon and headed into the movie. Will Power 1 - Booze 0. Thanks for the push Joey.

Day 68, Saturday, 3/21: This morning I had a consult, tanning, make-up tutorial sesh with Yaya and Sabrina, and TopGolf with Joey and Ryan. Fun stuff aside, today was particularly awesome because I decided to try on a pair of Martin and Osa skinny jeans from 5 years ago and they FIT! I EVEN NEEDED A BELT! 

Honestly, I thought this was a fluke, so I ran to my "skinny closet" with all of my non-fat girl clothes in it and start ripping through jeans, shorts, and skirts from Gap, Banana, Express, and Limited... and I FIT in EVERY SINGLE ONE! I am officially out of fat girl clothes and back into normal sizes. Granted, it is still a 14 and bigger than I want to be, but it is a hell of a lot better than a woman's size 18/20! The picture below is me in the same jeans 5 years ago. I find this pic particularly interesting because even though I am the same size, I appear to be more toned. So yay for weight lifting!

 

Day 69, Sunday, 3/22: Gym, Tan, SHOPPING!  Today was pretty rad. Joey and I went to the gym. I ran for 45 minutes, Joey did Abs, then we met up with Josh and did a virtual Body Flow class. Holy moly that class is hard! It is apparently a mix of Yoga, Pilates, and Tai-Chi. I was sweating like a pig about half way through. I didn't know my body was capable of bending all those ways. After that hour was over, we grabbed a shake, went grocery shopping, stopped by a friends house to say hey, and popped in for a quick tan.

We got home around 5, ate dinner, then I headed off to Nordstrom to see what I could fit my behind into. I was like a kid in a candy store. I picked up a couple of Free People skirts and shirts, a Couture maxi-dress, and a Ralph gown. I can't tell you how much fun it was trying on super cute, trendy clothes.

Listen when I tell you the struggle for fashionable fat girl clothes is real! I have always considered myself a bit of a Fashionista, but trying to remain cute while your fat is pretty damn hard. If it wasn't for ModCloth and Eloquii, I wouldn't have been able to do it. Now, I am SUPER excited because I don't have to worry about that. You best believe my behind will be waltzing right into my favorite store on the planet, Banana Republic, next week.

Day 70, Monday, 3/23: I had Q in the morning and I did Yoga in the evening, other than that, I have no on earthly idea what I did today.

We will see if I can remember what I do next week. Talk to you later, gator.

Day 39: Uggg Clothing Fail

Man, I don't know why I do this to myself. I have two pieces of clothing that are hanging in my closet that I have never been able to fit my big ass into. This morning I thought it would be a good idea to try them on. My orange tunic fits better, but I still wouldn't wear it in public. It fits everywhere but my arms, they are cut fairly slim compared to the rest of the shirt. I use this particular item to gauge my upper body progress.

 

The other item is this little black skirt I bought from Gap right before new years. I bought it because it said it was my size, but I could never pull it up past my hips. (The Gap Outlet has really jacked up sizing sometimes. You would think that I would try stuff on since I know this, but no). So, in my delusional morning stupor, I tried it on... I did manage to get it over my hips, but there is no way in hell I was getting that thing zipped. I think I have a good 3 months of hard work and a strict diet before it fits, for real. It has like a 5 inch gap. I would be lying If I said I wasn't disappointed. I really, really was. I was feeling skinny, so I was pretty bummed when it didn't come close to fitting.

The mind is a funny thing. I would think I would be happy because I could get it over my hips, as I was never able to do this previously... but no. Instead I felt defeated.

I took my whineyness to the gym and showed Q the pictures. She told me to get over myself and not to be crazy. So, I took out my frustration on the workout. I eventually got over it and started laughing. See, since I couldn't fit into my skirt, I decided to wear these ridiculous sauna pants I found in my closet. I felt like I was wearing dirty pee pants. They felt so gross. I must have lost a 2 liter worth of water from those things alone. I probably should have tried on my skirt afterword, it may have fit, lol.

I guess it will be awhile before I go and try on clothes that could potentially wreck my immediate emotional state. Instead I will stick to trying on something one size down. That seems to work out in my favor. I actually wore a size 16 jeans this afternoon for the first time in years and needed a belt. So I will take my small wins wear I can get them. I'll talk to you tomorrow.