Meet Q, a goddess among women and a possible sadist. She is my trainer and a potential murderer.
I am really questioning my sanity at this point. This
morning I woke up at 8 to be at the gym by 9 for Q to try and kill me. At least
that what I think she is trying to do.
For the life of me I can’t quite figure out why anyone would subject
themselves to this kind of torture. Except for maybe this one thing. It is only
3 o’clock right now and I have been more productive today than I have in
months. Is this a side effect of working out? Becoming a productive member or
society? This would certainly be a welcome
consequence…I am sure I will discuss this in a future posting, but for now, I
digress.
Oye, this morning’s workout. Q was funny. She says “Well, I
originally was going to start out having you do a full body workout each day,
but I reevaluated and decided we are just going to work your legs and core. I don’t
want you to be too sore on Thursday.” So in my head I am thinking SWEET! She is
going to take it easy on me. HA! Ha. Haaaaa. WRONG. This woman had me so tired
I fell over, twice… but I will get to that.
I started out nice and slow doing 15 or so minutes on the treadmill in order to "get my body warm" and then went into two sets of torture: leg presses,
getting up and down on this box thing with weights in my hand. (Side note; Q hilariously says: "this box is probably too small for you since you are so tall. We will
switch to a taller one next set". Um, excuse me, WHAT?! No. I promptly informed
her that no matter how much I appreciate her vote of confidence I think she is
drastically overestimating my physical endurance or ability to balance on
anything more than say 6 inches off the ground. As it turns out, I was right,
she let me stay on the smaller box, which is only 2 feet off the ground versus
2.5 feet. It is the small victories)
Anyhow, back to the initial set. After the boxes came these
things called “Frankenstein” which would only make sense if you saw how it
looked. Really, it looks more like you are marching in the Red Army, but I
suppose Frankenstein sounds better than Communist. After this set is when I fell
over the first time. There is a beautiful boxing ring in our gym that I just knew was soft (it's not). So
in a fog of sweat and panting, I clumsily stumbled over to it and gracefully lied down flopped like a
fish on to the ring. That lasted all of 10 seconds. She laughed, then yelled at
me to get up. I wasn’t done.
The second part consisted of two more sets of leg presses with
more weight, pushing a sled through the gym, holding a medicine ball above my
head and lifting my legs to meet it… At this point, I really considered
dropping the medicine ball on my head and breaking my nose so I could get out
of this. I ultimately decided I did not want to spend the rest of my day in the
ER, so I best just suck it up. To finish everything off, we did one armed
planks where I had to play patty cake with Q while planking. Man, who comes up
with this stuff?! This is when I fell over the second time. After that last
round of patty cake I laid my big ass on that floor panting praising the good
Lord for getting me through it.
On a more serious note, I had an interesting conversation
with Q while I was warming up on the treadmill. I was telling her that I am
considering going to a therapist to see if they can help me get over the
mental blocks that always pop up when I try a traditional diet or exercise
routine. She told me some personal stories from her own life, then asked me few
questions that I am going to be exploring over the next week or so... And since you are
on this journey with me, I will ultimately be talking to you about all of this too. Here are the
questions:
1. Where were you
emotionally before you became overweight?
2. What do you think is the underlying reason that caused
you to gain the weight?
And my favorite loaded question (these are more my words than hers, she is a
little more tactful than I; but ultimately the same…)
3. Why are you “okay” with being fat?
Did I mention that Q is not only a specimen of physical
perfection, but also incredibly insightful?
On that note, I have lived to breathe another day. I will
talk with you tomorrow.
