These last couple of days have been rough. I have been on a roller coaster of emotion. One minute being strong and excited and the next a ball of nerves unable to get out of my head. I also haven’t been getting more than 4 hours of sleep at night. I felt the crash coming and it was scaring me.
Let me explain. I don’t “talk about feelings” with people.
Ironic coming from someone chronicling a 90 day transformation journey, I know;
but that is one of the reasons why I am doing this. I am forcing myself to open
up, be venerable and work through my issues. Writing is a
lot different for me than talking. With writing, I don’t have to see the concern
in the face of a person or hear the pity in their voice once I confess my weaknesses.
I can control what I release by pressing the delete button.
I do however, occasionally wear emotion on my face...
which is the worst. Then people ask me what the hell is wrong because I
am not smiling or joking around like normal. I usually just brush over it or
make something up to satisfy the question and force a smile. Until today.
This morning I was training with Q and towards the end she mentioned she noticed my
energy level seamed low. I said “yeah, it is. We’ll talk after the session”. In my head I just planned on telling her I
wasn’t sleeping and wanted some advice or supplements to take. What actually
happened was I finally opened up to someone about my physical insecurities. I think Q
may have missed her calling as a therapist. She listened, said some very
insightful things and gave me a lot to think about. It was a much needed
release and I am grateful to have found someone I feel safe enough to talk to about the journey.
I left the gym with a more stable outlook and went to my
studio and started tinkering around. Overall, I had a very productive day
(something I am noticing is a definite side effect of working out). Another
side effect to working out is being able to fit into your clothes better and
walking with more confidence. I found this out at 5 o’clock when I
started getting ready to go out to a cabaret in DC. My skin was clearer, my
face was brighter, and my legs were stronger. I put on a little black dress,
heels, and hair, and celebrated life and a week well done with my husband and friends.
So cheers to you friends, and remember to Treat. Yo. Self. It is good for you. I will talk with you tomorrow.
