Have you ever thought you might be legitimately crazy? Have you ever had so many thoughts swirling around in your head you become nauseous? If not, you’re lucky. If so, welcome to the party. We should start a support group. As I type this I feel manic. My heart is pounding, my eye is twitching, and it is taking every ounce of self-control I can muster not to walk downstairs and grab a bottle of bourbon.
This morning my will power was strong, I was still high
off last night’s accomplishments. I woke
up early, made a delicious breakfast and headed to a class I was actually looking
forward to. I was taking a Pilates Rehabilitation where we actually got to use Pilates
machines. I have seen the machines before, but never paid much attention to
them. Let me tell you, when I first really looked at them, the first thing out of my mouth
was “are we about to be water boarded?!” It didn’t help that when I walked over
to my machine this notice was on it:
This is the actual machine:
I always knew the gym would try and kill you if you gave
it the chance. This just confirmed my suspicion. Thankfully, Vicki was
instructing and she didn’t let the machines come to life and exterminate their prey like I'm sure they wanted to.
I think they trust her as one of their own.
I have taken several classes with Vicki, she is the
Director of Group Fitness at ETC and responsible for the group signature classes
that I absolutely love. With her I have been lucky enough to take Pound
Fit, Body Pump, Pilates, Pole Fit and my absolute favorite, Air Fit (this is
the silk scarves that are hanging from the ceiling that you do Yoga with). Vicki
has a beautiful way of empowering your femininity that is good for your soul. I
will never forget the first time I had a lengthy conversation with her. We had
just started S Factor Pole Fitness as one of the group classes at ETC. I had no
intention of taking it because I didn’t think I could get my big ass up that
pole. Then she started telling me about the philosophy behind S Factor and I was so
moved, I was teary eyed. Sure enough, I signed up and was in class the next
day. Ladies, I will tell you one thing, if you want to get in touch with your
inner goddess, go take an S Factor class. I felt so empowered. It is a
beautiful class in a completely judgment free zone. There are ladies of all
shapes and sizes and all fitness levels. It really is a lot of fun. It’s good
for your soul.
That is one thing I am learning on this journey. You can’t
just go hard and train, train, train. You have to do things you enjoy or you will collapse. I needed this Pilates class today for so many
reasons. 1. Because I needed to deeply stretch my muscles after these last few
days 2. Pilates is an incredible full body workout. 3. It corrects your posture
and encourages spine elongation, which I desperately need. 4. It helps you learn
how to breath during exercise which I need serious work on. 5 (and most
importantly to me) I wanted to be there. I was looking forward to it. The mind/body connection that I feel during Pilates (and yoga) is healing. I felt awesome when I left the gym!
I spent the next few hours doing things I love. I went and dropped off all the furniture for my client in Arlington, then
I decided to treat myself to a stroll around some of my favorite home furnishing
stores to see if they had anything new. I came home, grabbed a salad and sat
down with my laptop. That is when the crazy came.
I started a battle with Bloggers comment software (the
site that hosts this blog) that turned into an all-out war. When it comes to
computers, I can figure out a lot of things and ease my way around
pretty swiftly; but I kept getting errors and I was doing everything I
was supposed to. On queue, I started to panic and go into a tail spin. Thank God Ryan got
home, jumped on his computer and fixed the problem. Now, thanks to the Obi-Wan
Canole, I have a working comment section. You would think that would have
stopped my tailspin… but it didn’t.
When I get into my head like that, I spin and end up
going down a rabbit hole of failures. I failed to fix this insignificant
problem and all of a sudden I’m failing at everything, being a wife, being a
small business owner, being a friend, and succeeding in the challenge. It is all
very exhausting and very much bullshit. This is just my demons raising their
head trying to keep me down. Well fuck that. I am stronger than that and I refuse to
accept failure. There are too many people in my corner and I owe it to myself to
be mentally and physically healthy.
On that note, cheers to you friend, here is to staying
awesome and living to see another day. I’ll chat with you tomorrow.
