This morning was the big day. I weighed in. I can't believe it is over. The challenge that consumed my life is complete. I feel so many emotions right now. Happiness, relief, pride, and a hint of sadness. Now, I am on my own to finish what we started.
For those of you on your own journey. Good luck. Mine is not over. I'll still be blogging when the mood strikes; but for now, I just have to keep trucking along to get to my end goal. Which is what you may wonder.... For now, I want to be a size 8 with guns, a ripped back and six pack. I think I can do it. Nothing else has been impossible so far.
One of the requirements for the challenge was for an essay to be written about your experience. Well, since ya'll know I actually enjoy writing, I wrote a novel. It's posted below this picture. It may be the realest thing I have written to date.
"Hi, my name is Nicole and this is the story of a fit girl who lived in a fat girl’s body and the emotional and physical rollercoaster we went on the last 3 months. I guess I should start with a little background. I have always struggled with my weight. I was a skinny kid, a fat middle schooler, an average high schooler (addicted to diet pills, because I wasn’t skinny enough), and hot mess of an adult. Currently, I am 28 years old and in the last 10 years, I have weighed at a low 179 and a high 291. The most concerning jump has been within the last 4 years after I got off active duty from the Air Force. I went from 235 to 291. The crazy part was you would think this jump alone would cause me to really evaluate my life choices, but when I looked in the mirror I didn’t see a fat girl. I still saw someone beautiful. I saw someone funny, charming, smart, educated, talented, loved; I saw someone awesome. My “problem” was not the mirror. My “problem” was life.
I started to realize my weight was an issue slowly, I noticed when I was on the metro, my butt was encroaching on the passenger sitting next to me,and this embarrassed me. When I went to the theater, I could not comfortably fit in the seat. I had to pay more to go skydiving. I worried about weight limits for things like zip lining or Segway tours. Honestly, it was a crapshoot whether or not my behind would properly fit in the seats at amusement parks. I was already irritated that I couldn’t fit into my favorite clothing brands anymore. I was able to ignore that, but I could no longer ignore how my life was becoming limited by something that was completely controllable.
Once I had this realization, I went to the doctor to have my thyroid checked… you know, because it is easier to blame a medical condition than to possibly admit you have a problem with bourbon, burgers, and bacon. I was normal, just obese with ridiculously high cholesterol for my age. The doctor looked at me and said, “At the rate you are going, you will have diabetes by 30 and dead by 60. You have to decide what to do about it.”
So what did I do? I joined Gold’s Gym. I started out going to Zumba, Air Fit, and Yoga… all the fun classes… but I wasn’t losing any weight. My diet was still horrible, so I decided to start seeing Q for nutrition counseling. I did start to lose a little bit of weight, but my heart wasn’t in it. I did, however, learn a very important lesson about myself and that was in order to succeed I needed accountability.
I was sitting at the smoothie bar one night when Caesare walked up and told me about the challenge. I looked over the personal training package and went home to think about it. I ultimately decided that if I were really going to do this, then choosing the training package for 3 times a week would give me the best chance to succeed. This is the best decision I have ever made. The challenge saved my life.
Since Q and I had built a relationship during my nutrition appointments, it was decided she would be my trainer. If it was anybody else, I don’t think I would have accomplished all that I have over these 12 weeks. Because of her patience and guidance, not only did I win a weight loss battle of epic proportions, I won a mental and emotional battle that I didn’t even know I was going to fight.
For the first 2 weeks of training, I was absolutely convinced she was a sadist and was in this only to try to kill me. My legs and arms felt like jelly, I couldn’t move without feeling every aching muscle in my body, honestly I wanted to throw in the towel, then the strangest thing started happening. I stopped hurting and started getting noticeably stronger. When training started, I couldn’t do a pushup to save my life. Within 4 weeks, I was doing right angle pushups and holding planks with ease. I could do 100 sit-ups with a 20-pound medicine ball as if it was nothing. I was doing “2-a-days” for the majority of the challenge, training with Q in the morning and coming back at night to do my favorite classes. I hit so many physical milestones during this challenge, I could write a book; but these are just the highlights.
I used to walk on the treadmill and watch all the “hardcore athletes” do Crossfit in awe of their ability, thinking to myself “maybe one day.” Now, I do Crossfit with them and love it. I’ve found a serious love for weightlifting. Vicki has somehow brought back all my flexibility from high school and my range of motion is significantly better than even when I was regularly seeing my chiropractor. I am also proud to say I no longer have any lower back pain. But honestly, the thing I am most proud of is my newfound ability to run. I have always hated running with a passion. I hated it in high school when I played soccer and I hated it in the military when I had to run to keep my job… but for the last 6 weeks of the challenge, Q made me run every day, even the days I wasn’t with her. I got to the point I could run for 15 minutes without needing a break. To me, this was a major accomplishment because I truly enjoyed it, something I never thought possible.
The mental and emotional journey for me had the largest impact. One of my many struggles was my challenge with food and alcohol. These things were part of my identity. I am a self-proclaimed foodie. There was nothing I loved more than a gourmet meal and handcrafted cocktail. My hobbies were trying new restaurants and bars with friends; we ate out 5 or 6 times a week. Happy hour wasn’t just 2 drinks with co-workers, it turned into a 5-hour party. The largest things I had to break through were how I looked at food and the need to cut myself off from an environment that revolved around alcohol.
When you take away 90% of what you do for fun, you have to fill the void with other activities. Something that was a bit surprising was that I started filling the void with healthy activities like hiking, golfing, laser tag, putt-putt, and seminars. I also started blogging about my journey. I needed an outlet to help me work through my emotions and to my surprise; it helped other people start their own weight loss and fitness journeys as well.
Most importantly, my diet had to change or all of this would be for nothing. During the first 6 weeks, I asked Q for a list of food items I could eat that I wouldn’t have to think about. She wrote down things like whole grains, fruit, green veggies, lean meats etc., to get my body used to eating clean. She also limited my alcohol to a maximum of 4 drinks per sitting, no more than 2 times a week.
It was hard and I had a couple mess up’s, but ultimately I got through it with her help and that of my friend, Joey. There is something to be said about having a partner do this challenge with you. He gave me strength when I didn’t think I could keep going and Q kept me accountable asking every day what I ate and how was my water consumption. They gave me strength to do what came next, something I never thought possible. I stopped drinking completely for the last 6 weeks and only ate eggs, oatmeal, fish, veggies, spinach, brown rice, sweet potatoes, and drank only water. Looking at food as a source of nutrition instead of a source of pleasure, may be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. There were many days I broke down and cried myself to sleep, because my life as I knew it was drastically changing.
I couldn’t have done this without the support of my trainer, instructors, friends, and family who cheered me on the entire journey. I built relationships that will be with me forever. Now, I sit here writing this 43 pounds lighter, 14.25 inches smaller, with 4.7% less body fat, emotional over the fact that I was able to accomplish something in 12 short weeks, that I wasn’t even able to consider in 10 long years. This is just the beginning for me, my journey isn’t over. I still have more to go before I am where I want to stay; but now thanks to the challenge, and my new friends, I absolutely know I can and I will."
4/14/2015 *UPDATE*: Yesterday, I received the phone call I had been waiting on. Judging was complete and I did it. I won the overall local woman's division and was submitted for the national competition. Even if I don't take nationals (which lets be serious, that would be freaking awesome), it still feels amazing to have won my home gym. Guess we will see what happens.
